i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
