Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
