My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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