My liver just broke up with me...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
