Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Two words: blizzard sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
