so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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