I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
