Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
