He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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