But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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