I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
