im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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