I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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