you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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