Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
