wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
