it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
