apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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