tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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