No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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