bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who died my cat blue again?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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