She is in my trunk
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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