I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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