grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he shaved USA in his pubs
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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