Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
