it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
