I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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