She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
