I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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