fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
