I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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