I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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