I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
