youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
