do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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