Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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