FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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