Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
