Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize