Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize