I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
