I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
