I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
