I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
