my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
