I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
