im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
