where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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