remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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