How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
