the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
