The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize