Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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