Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
