Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
