thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
