I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
