How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
