Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
