OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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