she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
