pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
