Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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