Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
