im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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