What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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