Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
