my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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