booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My vagina just clenched in fear
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
