So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
