ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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