Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
