try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
