omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
