I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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