did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
