The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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