Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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