Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
