I'm pants shitting drunk right now
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
