FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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