Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
