My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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