i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
