My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
