Christians are straight up FREAKS
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
