I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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