maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
