is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize