i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
