i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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