But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think my moral compass just broke
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