How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
