It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
why is half of my head shaved?
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