he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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