her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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