Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
