remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She said her name was "party"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
