the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
