We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
