Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
