I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
