I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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