I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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