Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
