i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I just sharted jello shots
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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