so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
did you just send me my own nude
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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